Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Boxes have arrived, and I'm more depressed than ever.
I've been surrounded by boxes since Friday early morning. At first, there were so many boxes there was no path to the bedroom at all and there were boxes in the bathroom so that I could barely use it. So, Friday, I got it so that I could get into the bedroom and go to sleep. Ten hours or so of unpacking, organizing and packing. Saturday: 8 hours of so of more organizing and unpacking and packing. So stressed out that I had violent nightmares all night and woke up where my hands hurt so much that I was forced to wrap the right one and take the day off on Sunday. We shopped for organization and did some minor stuff like moving a bunch of stuff to my parents place on my day off. Monday and Today, another 8 hours plus of unpacking and packing. I seem to spend more the same time each day but make so much less progress. I guess part of the problem is just that I'm exhausted. My arms and legs and hands are all scratched and cut by cardboard and paper on top of the chapping from the wrapping paper. I put on lotion all day but don't get to many any progress. I've been dropping things on myself, bumping into boxes, furniture etc until I'm black and blue. I've got more brusies than I can count. My back and arms are hurting from over work and stress. The boxes just reminds me over and over again that I don't fit here and I don't belong. So I hurry as much as I can to try to get rid of them. Problem with that is that I have to throw out or put into storage almost everything, so I have to pack it all up again, so again, it's just a sign of how I don't fit and belong. I've been so depressed today that I went to the grocery store and bought food for dinner and cooked it. It made me feel less useless. There's still a chance in hell I'll get this done by the end of the week. We'll see. Housework is going by the waste side. I'm a horrible housewife. And, well, since I'm not working, I'm nothing but a housewife and a bad one at that. Failure all around.